Don't let the Fockers pull the wool over your eyes

Before I start, I just wanted to wish all our friends in Queensland the best of a bad lot. We had a lot of rain when we were there last year but nothing like they are receiving this year. It seems to be part of an ever increasing pattern around the world at the moment. It must have been around this time last year that we were having, “Brecky in Brissy”. But I guess that we would have been OK up Spring hill. Its bad enough loosing your property but its another thing all together loosing your life. Best wishes to everyone affected throughout Queensland, our favourite state.

Whilst walking down to the coast on our first day, I picked up a trip brochure where all the trips were 10Euros each. Claire had a look when we got back and compared to the ones in the brochures in our apartment seemed a real bargain as they started at around 70 Euros for both of us. We both thought that the Wednesday one looked best for us visiting Teide and a boat trip and lunch with wine. Can't go wrong for 10E each, can you? You didn't need to book, just wait at one of the pick-up points and our hotel was on the list. We decided to go for it as I really want to experience climbing to the top of Teide again.

We waited outside our apartments which is the Albatros Parque in Golf Del Sol. We were the first pick up at 08:20am so we had the choice of seats. I think Claire tried most of them before we decided. Anyway, the lady that got on with us turned out to be our tour guide and she told us that we had to sit through a presentation about mattresses and wool bed products first and that is where we got lunch and why the trip was so cheap. To be honest, we already read the small print and knew that; we also knew that lunch was a German sausage and potato salad so Claire made egg mayo sandwiches and we took fruit, more wine and water. I also took my i-pad and Claire took a book so we were prepared to be a little bored. What we hadn't bargained on was not getting to our first tour spot until 3pm. I'm really proud of Claire not moaning too much; good job we took the wine gums chum.

We changed bus 4 times altogether but we only had two drivers all day which happened to have appropriately names. Our first driver, “Focker” drove us all around Los Cristianos picking up everyone else and then onto the factory that our hard sales, sorry, presentation took place. Unfortunately, this took place on the other side of the island in the north. Several buses dropped off hundreds of suckers, sorry tourists and we were herded into different cells that actually had locked doors. We had toilets in each cell and a small balcony so your only chance of escape was to scale the walls from the balcony. We had coffee, and water on the tables and they brought a glass of wine each before starting a 2 hour hard sales presentation. They were selling foam mattresses and woollen bedding. All very good quality, but with a very good price attached. Claire said that she hadn’t had such a good time since our time share experience in Las Vegas.

We finally got our sausage and potato salad and were herded into different buses where we went our separate ways according to which trip we were on. Our new driver's name was Jesus. Funny that because that's exactly what Claire said. At last, we were off, heading up the mountain. Once on the right road, I was disappointed to see that the first sign said 54km; I didn't tell Claire but did keep saying, “Its just around the next corner”.

It was quite a nice drive as I could look around as I was not driving. Driving through the clouds and above. Looking over the blanket of clouds and up to the top where they have the observatories. Trouble is there were reflections from the window as once through the clouds there is bright sunshine. Not hot though, they had the aircon on in the bus. I guess they think we are Brits and like the cold. They also had the tanoy system on full volume and kept making announcements in 4 languages. At one time she said what sounded like, “massive penis”. Once she read it out in English it turned out to be, “huge pine needles”. It reminded me a little of the “four candles” sketch. Next stop Teide; not quite, we stopped at the Teide restaurant as I guess they have a deal with them. By 3pm we were driving past the base station for Teide. We didn't even stop, never mind go up. That was it, we were on our way back down towards the south again to catch our pirate ship. Claire wanted to skip the boat and pay extra for a taxi from Cristianos back to our place but unfortunately they took us to Americanos for the boat trip. In actual fact, we enjoyed the boat, it only lasted around an hour and we saw lots of dolphins just the other side of the fish farm, and they made fresh sangria for a Euro. They only charged 1 Euro for a plastic cup of wine and the plastic cups were really big. We also saw a new space age looking boat for whale watching, with large viewing windows above and below the water line. It seemed to lift up on ski's when it took off. Claire was wearing her newly bought woollen kidney warmer while we were on the boat; it came in useful quicker than I thought.

After the trip we were herded into buses again to another meeting point where we all got on our respective buses for our journey home. Of course, being first on, we were last off so we got even more value for money that anyone else. After almost 11 hours we arrived back at our place at around 7pm. Boy, did that Focker Jesus get a good tip! Claire said that she would have had much more fun staying in bed all day reading. She also said that what exactly what she was going to do tomorrow.